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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Halloween Sluts and One Bare-Legged Moth

Halloween is over, and the boys are gnawing away.  As I helplessly overlook the conglomeration of colored powders, chocolates, and random goo they ingest by the handful, I can practically hear the sound of their overwhelmed tooth enamel surrendering.  Their little nippers will undoubtedly resemble one porous sponge by the end of the week. 
Of note, Halloween is traditionally our annual dental check-up week.  I deliberately schedule it this way so the boys will become terrified when the dentist has them chew those tasty but tricky "scum-identifier" tablets.  
Oh, there will be scum this year all right.  
Of course, I will bear the brunt of the dental scolding, but that is easy enough to deflect...once the dentist is out of hearing range.* 
Anyway, I think Benjamin's bare legs jutting out of the moth-suit really makes for a fetching costume.  What do you think?  
The suit came with little black leggings, but he opted for the fleshier look.  Could this be the kindergarten version of the slut costumes that every single female trick-or-treater over the age of one seems to wear these days? 
And what is THAT about anyway? Do they really get more stuff when they dress like mini Paris drag? 
And if so, how come no one ever told me about turning that trick when I was a kid?
Regardless, I too had to throw together a last-minute costume to appease my two (already jacked-up) candy addicts.  So I joined my sons while wearing a robe and huge red curlers.  
Okay, so maybe I was already wearing the robe and curlers.,
Anyway, I carried one of those reusable cloth grocery bags.  You know, the one with the six empty wine compartments.  And in case that was not obvious enough, I even carried an empty wine glass. 
Well, why should kids be the only ones who come home with treasures on Halloween night?
Sure, the boys scored big, as you can see in the photo.  As for me, I did not fare so well.  Not one neighbor filled my six gaping, empty wine bag slots with a bottle of wine.  Not one offered to pour so-much as a drop of hootch in my empty wine glass.  
Worse, no one seemed to "get" what my costume was all about.  Even after I explained in detail that I was not exactly looking for candy, they simply stared blankly at my get-up.  
By the end of the night, my eight-year-old was telling the confused neighbors that I was dressed as "an embarrassment." 
Right in front of me.
Later, as I dejectedly watched the boys count, sort, switch, and fight over their huge trove of candy, a brilliant thought occurred to me: Next year, I get to wear the slutty bare-legged moth suit for Halloween.  

*Note, for other tooth-preservation strategies, please consult Lesson 2 at the following post:

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